is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
