M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
