apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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