she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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