This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
