I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
