girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
