Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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