in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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