I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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