I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
