So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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