The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize