Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
