My cat gives me a boner
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
