I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
