is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
