I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
