I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
