I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize