So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
