i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
