I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
