Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
