genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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