mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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