physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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