lets start a swedish sibling band together
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i dont even know how to be here
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
