She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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