I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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