Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
