It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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