you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
