dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
