should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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