You made me cry and you don't even care
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
