We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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