They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
