I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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