im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
