am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
