he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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