Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
