I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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