I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
