she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my vagina is haunted
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
