the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
