I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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