Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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