I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
