i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
