my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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