my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if only i could text you this smell
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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