Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
