I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
