Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
