I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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