If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
