She is in my trunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
