ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
