if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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