allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
