I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She even gives head with a lisp.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
