i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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