I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
