Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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